Loving enough

"Yes, there is that voice, the voice that speaks from above and from within and that whispers softly or declares loudly: "You are my Beloved, on you my favor rests." It certainly is not easy to hear that voice in a world filled with voices that shout: "You are no good, you are ugly, you are worthless; you are despicable, you are nobody - unless you can demonstrate the opposite." These negative voices are so loud and so persistent that it is easy to believe them. That's the great trap. It is the trap of self-rejection." Henri Nowen, Life of the Beloved





I'm reading The Bean Trees right now by Barbara Kingsolver. The main character spends much of the book loving a battered child into wellness. Attempting to care for her in a way that says you are worthwhile and that the past doesn't define you. And yet the world attempts to rob this child and her lover of the ability to fight and to continue thriving in love.

Have you ever witnessed someone changed by love?

There is evidence that love changes people. Changes their hearts, their bodies, their brain chemistry.

I know God's love has changed me. He loves me into living differently. I don't mean as much in my behaviors but in how I see myself and the world.

I hate that this world robs people of love and more that it robs them of the ability to receive love. It is a nasty, horrible thing. I cling to the hope that love can triumph, trumping the very walls that defend against it.

Love well, friends.

Love/Hate

There are some things in life that although you are thankful for it/them and thankful that they are present, you hate them. This is true about so many things in life. Today, it is the potty chair. Yes, incredibly profound. I both love and abhor this thing at the same time.

ENFP

I was reading some more about my personality type. Boy, did this have some great descriptions of me. Some didn't fit as well but overall I resonate with so much of this. What's so great about reading the positives of your personality type is that you feel so affirmed because the positives about you hit at your core values and what you think is most important in life. Makes you feel like a winner ;).

Also, a great way to grow as you read the weaknesses.

Here is one of the main descriptions from this site:


ENFPs take their relationships very seriously, but also approach them with a childlike enthusiasm and energy. They seek and demand authenticity and depth in their personal relationships, and will put forth a lot of effort into making things work out. They are warm, considerate, affirming, nurturing, and highly invested in the health of the relationship. They have excellent interpersonal skills, and are able to inspire and motivate others to be the best that they can be. Energetic and effervescent, the ENFP is sometimes smothering in their enthusiasm, but are generally highly valued for their genuine warmth and high ideals.

I thought this next little blurb was pretty telling:

ENFPs may internalize anger rather than express it; their respect for other individuals makes it difficult for them to hurt others. An ENFP’s feeling of success depends upon the availability of opportunities to grow their understanding of the world, upon feeling that they’re living true to their personal value system, and upon the condition of their closest relationships.

This sounded like an important thing for me to remember:

When in Doubt, Ask Questions! Don't assume that the lack of feedback is the same thing as negative feedback. If you need feedback and don't have any, ask for it.

Under a list of weaknesses, this first one made me laugh. This is sooo me and I know it drives Ryan crazy. I try so hard to work on it but have found it is something so hard for me to change.

Uninterested in dealing with "mundane" matters such as cleaning, paying bills, etc.
May become bored easily
Have difficulty scolding or punishing others

I definitely see how this could have been a big potential for me, if not for God's work in my life and my own desire and journey towards healthy relationships:

As perfectionists, they don't like to admit defeat, and will stick with bad situations long after they should have left. When they do leave the relationship, they will believe that the failure was their fault, and that there was surely something they could have done to save the relationship.

So, are any of you strong judgers? I'm so curious.

ENFPs may also feel threatened by individuals with strong Judging preferences. With a tendency to take any criticism personally, the ENFP may find themselves irritated or emotional when the Judger expresses a negative opinion, believing somehow that the Judger is expressing disapproval or disappointment in the ENFP.

I've wondered why I came out as an extrovert when I know that I really need time alone to recharge. When I read this it made sense as I do experience a lot of characteristics common to an extrovert. I also sometimes lack follow through.

An ENFP needs to focus on following through with their projects. This can be a problem area for some of these individuals. Unlike other Extraverted types, ENFPs need time alone to center themselves, and make sure they are moving in a direction which is in sync with their values.

So, this is much more for me than anyone reading this but I encourage you to check out your own profile. I'm sure there are some places to take the test online if you don't already know your personality type.

And friends, I would love to know your types!!

Tom and Julie's Wedding

This was an EVENTFUL trip! I found $29 one way tickets that I snatched up to fly up to Napa with the girls. The hour flight went great and seemed well worth it, all except the can of orange juice that Noelle dumped in my lap right after take off. I sat in sopping wet shorts all flight and then looked like I peed my pants upon arrival - but nowadays that's minor. I barely noticed.

I did have to reflect that this seems to be par for the course as one of my first flights with Noelle her diaper leaked and left me in the same position, well, a little worse. Another flight early on, I went to the bathroom before the flight, with Noelle in a carrier on my chest and realized that I had dunked the back straps in the toilet. A little scared for our trek to Hawaii coming up. We have to fly to Portland and then to Maui - YIKES!

Anways, we arrived happy and healthy, or so we thought. Natalie and I both started throwing up in the middle of the night! Which is definitely miserable but the worst part was thinking that I was staying at the bride and grooms house and the wedding was 2 days away. The thought of Julie getting sick on her wedding day was more than I could handle.

So, for sake of time, I will wrap up the rest. We checked into a hotel, recovered and headed out to the ranch to enjoy the festivities. There were a few moderate ups and downs along the weekend and thankfully no one else got sick BUT the downpoint for me was Noelle's tantrum in the middle of the wedding vows that forced Ryan to remove her from the ceremony. Unfortunately we were staying 15 yards from the location and everybody had to witness her being hauled away up the gravel and behind the closed door where you could still hear screaming. One of those things that you knew didn't mean the end of the world but for all the red smoke coming from my ears I was not sure i could go on. She eventually turned it around and ate some food we should have given her hours before. I still had the shakes for some time.

And after a 7 hour drive home, that had to be continued the following morning because at 10:30pm are girls had not yet fallen asleep, I was so thankful to be home!!!! Thankfully, time wipes away the tough parts and leaves some really precious memories that this wedding beautifully created!

Wine Tour on Friday at Benziger Winery.
Fun to meet so many of the family and dear friends.
Julie and her two sisters, Joan and Karen

Rehearsal Dinner

Ryan's Grandpa Bill - the girls called him Pops. Turns out he was also in a similar field of work as Ryan and a great athlete. We had a great time hearing his stories.

Ryan's cousin and our two new brother-in-laws Justin and Nate

Julie's dear friends meeting her sister.

Me and my girl.

Cousin Meggie and Pops

Julie, my sister-in-law Aly and baby Capri, Tom's sister and Julie's friend

Serene setting where the ceremony took place and where Noelle lost it.

Relais du Soleil

Tom's grandkids - my girls' new cousins - Bryce and Faith

Noelle asking Great Grandpa questions about life and death while I tried to put Natalie down for a nap. He said she had him sweatin'. I heard them out there talking although I couldn't quite make out what they were saying. She had some tough questions after finding out that Great Grandma had died. There little bonding time was precious.