Journaling

Today is 9/11. A day of tragedy and yet tragedy is taking place daily.  We live in a world that robs from us, batters us and leaves us shaking, unsteady.  My guess is that every day marks a tragedy of grand proportions throughout history and the world.  We walk the earth, a hurting people.  At our core we long to make things right.  Justice, hope, peace.   They often seem elusive.

And yet standing in the midst of the suffering is the God-man.  He, who came to enter in.  Enter into a hemorrhaging world, in an epic attempt to embrace it all.  We see him standing there and we’d love for him to wrap up the loose ends, in a Mary Poppins manner, usher in order and perspective. 

And there he stands, tears and passion, the chaos around him rages, and we’re just not sure that what he offers is enough. 

If we could but look into his eyes and glimpse the God-love and the glory.

It’s hard to find his eyes in the midst of the chaos, so hard to silence the distractions calling for us to choose them and be well.  He remains, this God-man, knowing they will never bring us wellness, knowing that our hearts long to not hurt or be afraid.

What might he offer, if not a fix? What could he matter to me?

We pause for a moment to acknowledge tragedy today.  We grasp at understanding.

For years I’ve tried to stifle the fear that tragedy threatens in me.  And yet a lid may prevent the steam from rising but doesn’t calm the boil underneath.

I test him.  I breathe deep and look into his eyes.  One emotion, just one overwhelming circumstance, distractions aside, I allow it to boil to the surface and I bring it before him and hold it out.  Can he be trusted? 

His eyes lock. They hold mine.  The chaos rages.  A shelter.  My pounding heart begins to beat with his.  A wellness penetrates the chaos within me.  He knows.

I turn.  Someone is approaching.  My arms are outstretched, my eyes like his.  We embrace.  The chaos rages.