EAT PRAY LOVE

I finished the book and saw the movie last night. I have to say that Elizabeth Gilbert's worldview is very different than my own but like so many of her readers I appreciate her intentionality and her open wrestlings.


It's nice to jump inside someone's head very different than your own. For me, it brings up new thoughts and questions and at the same time affirms some of my own understandings. And of course, like most times you get a chance to know someone on a deeper level, you find similarities and at times opportunities to see aspects of yourself more clearly.

Gilbert gives the reader a chance to step into her thought processes and glimpse the lack of grace and abundance of judgments she begins the journey with. An opportunity to stop and analyze, "What does my thought process look like?" "Am I gentle to myself?" because MAN, that sure looks painful, what she's doing!

Sometimes when I'm in the middle of a book, I begin to pick up on their writing style and find some similar narration coming into my own head about my life. Does that happen to you? I took more notice of my thoughts while reading this book and became more intentional in where I let my thoughts go. It really is amazing how quickly we can shoot ourselves down. My spiral downward really did used to resemble a falling plane. I catch myself much earlier these days (mostly). Like Gilbert seems to begin doing, I know the signs and try to respond.

I have so many thoughts on this book, perhaps I'll find time to share a few more. If anyone reads this and has a thought, share.

Character

I'm beginning to realize that my daughter has a temperment. Now, I know that does not sound surprising, but IT IS to me. It surprises me that some of the things I see now might always be. It surprises me how different she is from me in some ways. And yet, I know that as a 4 year old it is hard at times to get an accurate picture.

I'm beginning to think that maybe the way Noelle is, has something to do with her and not just with me. I guess it points to the fact that I put a lot of stock into the "nurture" over "nature" theory and am surprised to find that some of her behavior and attitude really do seem to come from hard-wiring. I can't help but wonder how the pregnancy and all of my "stuff" and Ryan's "stuff" and life's circumstances play a part in shaping her. But I am beginning to realize that there are some things that have been pretty consistent from day one.

I'm also reminding myself of something I learned in school. I learned that the type of temperment of your child isn't as important as the "goodness of fit" or the connection that is formed between the child and the parent. In more recent weeks I have been encouraged to really try and gauge the needs of my child and attempt to understand where she is coming from. So, I am attempting to really "see" my child and attempting to connect with her the best I can, look her in the eyes, comfort her, enjoy her and think about her.

At 4, I'm beginning to realize more and more that she is so separate of me and is a complete individual. I think it's Noelle that is supposed to be going through the process but here I am.

And on that note, I felt these pictures captured some of her character:

Loving kindness
Noelle has a big heart and has always been very sensitive. She is sensitive in many ways, one of them being that she can sense others emotions and is affected by them. She really knows how to love well and we see it come out at times. I love when she loves on her sister.

So there is one thing that she seems to have in common with me, her love of dance, posing and attention. Here she is on the soccer field, sauntered off from the disorganized class and taking a minute to pose by the goal.


Intensity
But unlike me, she has a little fire in her that can show up in her passion and intensity, like on the soccer field, in her art and in her interaction.

Determination
Noelle is extremely determined. I think about the line in the movie clueless that said, "it's just a jumping off point for negotiations" or something like that. In this picture, I wouldn't get down something she wanted and so she started piling (in frustration I would add). Natalie just decided to pull the tall barstool over, a reminder that keeping a level head about what you're trying to get at sure helps ;).

Sweet Lily Tutus

A friend had Natalie model a few of her tutus that she makes:
http://www.etsy.com/listing/49403746/pink-and-orange-tutu-with-hot-pink

These pictures are so precious! Thanks Cheri for letting us share in the fun!

Vacation is...

I used to always associate vacations with sleeping in and sleeping well.

Not anymore.

And let me tell you, nothing could take away the beauty, joy and calming sensation of waking up to this....

And although I love waking up to this...





I really didn't want to wake up to this...

Every morning, usually earlier.

Loving enough

"Yes, there is that voice, the voice that speaks from above and from within and that whispers softly or declares loudly: "You are my Beloved, on you my favor rests." It certainly is not easy to hear that voice in a world filled with voices that shout: "You are no good, you are ugly, you are worthless; you are despicable, you are nobody - unless you can demonstrate the opposite." These negative voices are so loud and so persistent that it is easy to believe them. That's the great trap. It is the trap of self-rejection." Henri Nowen, Life of the Beloved





I'm reading The Bean Trees right now by Barbara Kingsolver. The main character spends much of the book loving a battered child into wellness. Attempting to care for her in a way that says you are worthwhile and that the past doesn't define you. And yet the world attempts to rob this child and her lover of the ability to fight and to continue thriving in love.

Have you ever witnessed someone changed by love?

There is evidence that love changes people. Changes their hearts, their bodies, their brain chemistry.

I know God's love has changed me. He loves me into living differently. I don't mean as much in my behaviors but in how I see myself and the world.

I hate that this world robs people of love and more that it robs them of the ability to receive love. It is a nasty, horrible thing. I cling to the hope that love can triumph, trumping the very walls that defend against it.

Love well, friends.

Love/Hate

There are some things in life that although you are thankful for it/them and thankful that they are present, you hate them. This is true about so many things in life. Today, it is the potty chair. Yes, incredibly profound. I both love and abhor this thing at the same time.

ENFP

I was reading some more about my personality type. Boy, did this have some great descriptions of me. Some didn't fit as well but overall I resonate with so much of this. What's so great about reading the positives of your personality type is that you feel so affirmed because the positives about you hit at your core values and what you think is most important in life. Makes you feel like a winner ;).

Also, a great way to grow as you read the weaknesses.

Here is one of the main descriptions from this site:


ENFPs take their relationships very seriously, but also approach them with a childlike enthusiasm and energy. They seek and demand authenticity and depth in their personal relationships, and will put forth a lot of effort into making things work out. They are warm, considerate, affirming, nurturing, and highly invested in the health of the relationship. They have excellent interpersonal skills, and are able to inspire and motivate others to be the best that they can be. Energetic and effervescent, the ENFP is sometimes smothering in their enthusiasm, but are generally highly valued for their genuine warmth and high ideals.

I thought this next little blurb was pretty telling:

ENFPs may internalize anger rather than express it; their respect for other individuals makes it difficult for them to hurt others. An ENFP’s feeling of success depends upon the availability of opportunities to grow their understanding of the world, upon feeling that they’re living true to their personal value system, and upon the condition of their closest relationships.

This sounded like an important thing for me to remember:

When in Doubt, Ask Questions! Don't assume that the lack of feedback is the same thing as negative feedback. If you need feedback and don't have any, ask for it.

Under a list of weaknesses, this first one made me laugh. This is sooo me and I know it drives Ryan crazy. I try so hard to work on it but have found it is something so hard for me to change.

Uninterested in dealing with "mundane" matters such as cleaning, paying bills, etc.
May become bored easily
Have difficulty scolding or punishing others

I definitely see how this could have been a big potential for me, if not for God's work in my life and my own desire and journey towards healthy relationships:

As perfectionists, they don't like to admit defeat, and will stick with bad situations long after they should have left. When they do leave the relationship, they will believe that the failure was their fault, and that there was surely something they could have done to save the relationship.

So, are any of you strong judgers? I'm so curious.

ENFPs may also feel threatened by individuals with strong Judging preferences. With a tendency to take any criticism personally, the ENFP may find themselves irritated or emotional when the Judger expresses a negative opinion, believing somehow that the Judger is expressing disapproval or disappointment in the ENFP.

I've wondered why I came out as an extrovert when I know that I really need time alone to recharge. When I read this it made sense as I do experience a lot of characteristics common to an extrovert. I also sometimes lack follow through.

An ENFP needs to focus on following through with their projects. This can be a problem area for some of these individuals. Unlike other Extraverted types, ENFPs need time alone to center themselves, and make sure they are moving in a direction which is in sync with their values.

So, this is much more for me than anyone reading this but I encourage you to check out your own profile. I'm sure there are some places to take the test online if you don't already know your personality type.

And friends, I would love to know your types!!

Tom and Julie's Wedding

This was an EVENTFUL trip! I found $29 one way tickets that I snatched up to fly up to Napa with the girls. The hour flight went great and seemed well worth it, all except the can of orange juice that Noelle dumped in my lap right after take off. I sat in sopping wet shorts all flight and then looked like I peed my pants upon arrival - but nowadays that's minor. I barely noticed.

I did have to reflect that this seems to be par for the course as one of my first flights with Noelle her diaper leaked and left me in the same position, well, a little worse. Another flight early on, I went to the bathroom before the flight, with Noelle in a carrier on my chest and realized that I had dunked the back straps in the toilet. A little scared for our trek to Hawaii coming up. We have to fly to Portland and then to Maui - YIKES!

Anways, we arrived happy and healthy, or so we thought. Natalie and I both started throwing up in the middle of the night! Which is definitely miserable but the worst part was thinking that I was staying at the bride and grooms house and the wedding was 2 days away. The thought of Julie getting sick on her wedding day was more than I could handle.

So, for sake of time, I will wrap up the rest. We checked into a hotel, recovered and headed out to the ranch to enjoy the festivities. There were a few moderate ups and downs along the weekend and thankfully no one else got sick BUT the downpoint for me was Noelle's tantrum in the middle of the wedding vows that forced Ryan to remove her from the ceremony. Unfortunately we were staying 15 yards from the location and everybody had to witness her being hauled away up the gravel and behind the closed door where you could still hear screaming. One of those things that you knew didn't mean the end of the world but for all the red smoke coming from my ears I was not sure i could go on. She eventually turned it around and ate some food we should have given her hours before. I still had the shakes for some time.

And after a 7 hour drive home, that had to be continued the following morning because at 10:30pm are girls had not yet fallen asleep, I was so thankful to be home!!!! Thankfully, time wipes away the tough parts and leaves some really precious memories that this wedding beautifully created!

Wine Tour on Friday at Benziger Winery.
Fun to meet so many of the family and dear friends.
Julie and her two sisters, Joan and Karen

Rehearsal Dinner

Ryan's Grandpa Bill - the girls called him Pops. Turns out he was also in a similar field of work as Ryan and a great athlete. We had a great time hearing his stories.

Ryan's cousin and our two new brother-in-laws Justin and Nate

Julie's dear friends meeting her sister.

Me and my girl.

Cousin Meggie and Pops

Julie, my sister-in-law Aly and baby Capri, Tom's sister and Julie's friend

Serene setting where the ceremony took place and where Noelle lost it.

Relais du Soleil

Tom's grandkids - my girls' new cousins - Bryce and Faith

Noelle asking Great Grandpa questions about life and death while I tried to put Natalie down for a nap. He said she had him sweatin'. I heard them out there talking although I couldn't quite make out what they were saying. She had some tough questions after finding out that Great Grandma had died. There little bonding time was precious.

Dad's Favorite Things

Well, it looks like Noelle still has a lot to learn about her dad.

This was part of Noelle's things that she made for Father's Day at preschool. The teacher asks them and writes their response.

Beautiful

A man spoke to our mom's group months ago. He got onto the subject of what our young girls come up against as teenagers. We all know that it's not pretty. The teenage years can leave us with some deep scars or some unhealthy ways of thinking or acting.

He began to say something about how we want our daughters to believe that they are beautiful, in a truer sense of the word. He was leading up to how we might inspire that in them. My mind began to jump ahead as to what his suggestion might be. What would you think?

He suprised me by saying, to tell them everyday that they are beautiful as they grow. From teeny tiny, to tell them that they are beautiful.

It wasn't what I was expecting. That sounded a little off. I kept thinking about it. I tell my daughters they look beautiful often. It usually involves a fancy dress or princess dress up clothes. That's really not how I want it to match up though.

I began thinking about what it would look like to tell them all of the time that they were beautiful, regardless of how I was percieving them to look on the outside at that given moment. Could this change them?

I read a story about a girl whose mother never told them they were beautiful but instead told them that it was what was on the inside that counts. The girls thought they were told that because they were ugly. They found out later that their mom said that because she thought they were beautiful and didn't want them to have a big head.

I see the logic, but then again, I have met some absolutely gorgeous women who do not believe they are beautiful. Often, the messages they recieve to the contrary only further their confusion about what they have to offer and what matters most.

I want my girls to believe that they are beautiful, because I know that it DOES matter, even if I told them it didn't. But their actual appearance is far less important than their perception of themselves. That is what impacts how they behave.

I've met women who are unassuming but their belief that someone instilled in them, that they are beautiful, has created a confidence and a beauty that is admirable.

What do you think?

3 Reasons...

...Why I'm distracted from getting anything done :).

"Mommy, Natalie's playing with your deoderant."
"Mommy, can I cut this paper?"
"Natalie, do you want your face painted?"

Heard these all today.

Conversation with Grandma

Contributed by Grandma Kelly:

Noelle: What would happen if you went to a Baker and talked about boogers?

Me: Well the Baker probably wouldn’t like talking about boogers.

Noelle: What if you sang the Baker a nice song about boogers?

Me: He still probably wouldn’t like it because he doesn’t want boogers in his cookie dough.

Noelle: What if you went to a Baker and spit?

Me: The Baker would get really mad because he wouldn’t want spit in his cookie dough.

Noelle: What if you went to the Baker naked?

Me: He wouldn’t let you come in the Bakery.

Noelle: What if you went to the Baker with really dirty clothes?

Me: That would be better than naked.

Noelle: What if you went to a Baker and told him a whopper?

Me: What’s a whopper?

Noelle: It’s when you don’t tell the truth.

One time I didn’t tell the truth when mommy asked me if I took out the bookmark and BOY did I get consequences! I got two time outs and I really didn’t like it and I was on the floor.

Me: Well I guess you should always tell the truth.

I guess the booger topic started when I told her I needed to blow my nose. But how it transformed into this conversation I have no idea!

Get Munked with Alvin and the Chipmunks 2: The Squeakquel

Winter Vegetable and Lentil Soup

For the last few weeks I have been receiving boxes of produce from Farm Fresh To You. http://www.farmfreshtoyou.com/index.php

It's been great. I just changed my box to "Fast Fruits and Veggies". Although it was fun to branch out and use chard, strange squashes among other things, it's just not as practical for me.
Anyways, I was able to use some of my veggies in this soup and I thought it was really tasty.

If your interested in doing FFTY, you can use the promo code 6164 and you get $5 off and I get a free box if you mention my name in the comments.

So, here's the recipe:

Ingredients
1/2 cup red or green lentils
1 cup chopped onion
1 stalk celery, chopped
2 cups shredded cabbage
1 (28 ounce) can whole peeled tomatoes, chopped
2 cups chicken broth
3 carrots, chopped
1 clove garlic, crushed
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper
1/4 teaspoon white sugar
1/2 teaspoon dried basil
1/2 teaspoon dried thyme
1/4 teaspoon curry powder

Directions
1.Place the lentils into a stockpot or a Dutch oven and add water to twice the depth of the lentils. Bring to a boil, then lower heat and let simmer for about 15 minutes. Drain and rinse lentils; return them to the pot.
2.Add onion, celery, cabbage, tomatoes, chicken broth, carrots and garlic to the pot and season with salt, pepper, sugar, basil, thyme and curry. Cook, simmering for 1 1/2 to 2 hours or until desired tenderness is achieved.

****I add four yukon potatoes and dice into small cubes.

This is from allrecipes.com. You can click on the link above to read the reviews and get some tips and alternatives.

Chocolate Chip Calzone

Ingredients
Chocolate Chip Calzone - 9/2/2002


1 pizza dough (Trader Joe's is where I find it)
3 oz. chocolate chips (or more)
3 oz. white chocolate chips (or more)
Vanilla ice cream
Chocolate sauce


Directions
Stretch pizza dough to 10" in diameter. Place 1 oz. chocolate chips (about a handful) at the bottom of the dough and fold once. Place 1 oz. white chocolate chips down and fold again. Repeat 3 times until all the chips are used. Pinch the edges of the dough closed. Bake at 450 degrees for 7-10 minutes until golden brown. Cut into 6 pieces. Serve with ice cream and cover with chocolate sauce. Serves 2.
Recipe from Brian Okada, Claim Jumper


This is a dessert that I love from Claim Jumper and my friend Julie posted it on her facebook. I've now made it a handful of times and it is delicious!

Make sure you leave your pizza dough out at room temperature for at least 30 min or it is impossible to spread. Once it has sat, I can just pull it into shape on my pizza stone. I spread it out just like a pizza and then begin the folding process.

I definitely recommend cooking it for quite a bit longer - maybe 15 minutes total. Just watch that it's not getting too brown on top! I cooked it for probably 20 minutes at 400 and it came out perfect. It can be deceptive though and you don't want it to be gooey dough in the middle.

EASTER!

Noelle has been so excited for holidays this year and is so curious about what they mean and what we're going to do. I'm not totally sure how to explain some of the depth and significance behind Easter but I am seeking to prepare myself in more ways than just Sunday plans, Easter dresses and decorating. I hope that what my head cannot explain and their's cannot understand will in some way be conveyed by the transformation in my own life.

This week is Holy Week, today Palm Sunday. These are not as familiar to me, not growing up or today in a church that really emphasizes these. But as I get older (30 in 2 weeks!!!) I am beginning to realize that these are opportunities for reflection that I don't want to let pass me by.

Last year, I was so moved by the Good Friday service at church and the service on Sunday was a true celebration. Looking forward to this year at the Pacific Amphitheater http://www.rockharbor.org Where is God moving in your heart this week? Or where might you want to make room for Him to work?

Noelle's First School Picture

Her hair didn't stay but I think it's adorable. Preschool still seems so little. I cherish these times. Noelle is so sweet, when she is not being stubborn! She will often tell me that she loves me or thinks I'm great which is so wonderful. I love the bond I see between her and Natalie. We definitely have some battles and she really pushes back at me when I say No. I feel like she is 3, through and through. We have a lot of fun together though and she says at least a few things everyday that bring a smile at her observations or curiousity. Today she turned on Ryan's alarm clock radio and we had an impromptu dance session to "Celebration" on the radio. The girls sure know how to have a good time. I know there will be so many fun memories ahead!

Christmas Season

This Christmas season has been really special. I have enjoyed time with the girls and all of the reminders of the incredible event that we celebrate, Emanuel - God with us.
The girls and I really enjoyed listening to Christmas music. Noelle sing a mean Deck the Halls ("Dawn we now our can you parrel", etc.) and Nat can say, "ho ho ho."
They have enjoyed playing with all their new toys although Noelle would get on a roll with the present opening and really not want to stop.
I was so thankful that my aunt Debi could join us on Christmas Eve as she has been sick and was in the hospital last year. It was such a blessing. Also, the entire attridge family came to my mom's on Christmas day.
Ryan gave me a certificate for laser eye surgery which I am so excited about but also quite apprehensive.
I hope that as you take down your decorations you are reminded of Christ's birth but also of His promise to come again, the fullfillment of hope and peace.

Elves!

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Halloween Night